Set Point Match

I am currently taking up more space in the world than I am accustomed to. This is not a fun feeling. In spite of my increased size being totally natural and necessary to make room for a little human, it feels disconcerting and strange to be so BIG all of a sudden.

Everybody develops a comfort zone at a certain weight, a set amount of space we are used to taking up in the world, a set point that feels familiar if not necessarily ideal. To change that set point feels odd, off kilter. Whether it is the result of weight gain or loss, the change is disconcerting and requires adjustment to remain in the new space, but eventually we get used to it. I am keenly aware of this as my body expands daily. My clients also struggle with it as they work to familiarize themselves with how their bodies feel in space after significant weight loss. Especially in weight loss, the body and mind want to pull you back to your customary set point. It feels easy and natural to drift peacefully back up to your customary weight.

My set point is generally about ten pounds heavier than I would like it to be. When left to drift aimlessly, without any effort or control, I will always come back to that same weight. Whether I'm approaching from it higher or lower, I always float back.

Why that particular set point and not another? Why not ten pounds down or twenty pounds up?

It's a warm and cozy combination of my habitual eating patterns, the portion sizes I have grown accustomed to, and the workout intensity I gravitate towards. It has to do with my overall daily activity level, the number of errands I run in a week, the number of clients I see, and the hours spent writing. It is neither good nor bad, neither terribly healthy nor unhealthy. It's just, plain middle of the road and seems to be how I roll when I'm not paying attention.

So what I would like to know is... when this ballooning belly is gone, when my set point has been upended for nine months, can I reset it where I wish?! Most of the time, we are busy allowing our set points to settle up ten pounds or so. But I've also seen the opposite happen... women so happy to have endured a pregnancy or men so happy to have overcome an injury that they want to feel as fit as possible. While it's up in the air, who's to say I can't reset it downward 10 pounds to that lovely, ideal hot bod in the sky? A girl can dream, right?

I'll have to wait to find out, but in the meantime, I challenge you to discover your set point. Figure out where you land naturally. Evaluate whether it makes you happy and how long it has been established. Then consider how it would feel to take up a different amount of space in the world. See if you can take your set point down 5 pounds. Take it down in your mind and in your body. Make the new weight, the new space, into the only acceptable option. Just like the limit on your credit card... there's only so far you can go before they shut you down. Shut yourself down a little earlier than usual.

Take it down, and match it for a while. Match that small change until it feels inevitable. Then, maybe, if you feel like it, evaluate your space all over again and find out if your new set point is a match for the long haul.

Death and dying and what happens after that

My friends, clients, and I seem to be doing a lot of birthing these days. In the midst of all of that birth, I cannot help but notice a growing sense of something dying.

There isn't much in the world that terrifies me more than the prospect of giving birth, but I understand that somehow, inevitably, through the fire of pain and suffering will come the transformation of an existing life and the beginning of a new one. However, whether I like it or not, for that transformation to happen, something has to die.

One of the first clients I ever had was a woman married to her own terrible self-image. She was absolutely convinced that she was an unattractive mess and would end up fat and alone no matter what she did. She showed up for her workouts but diligently destroyed her own progress with multiple In N' Out Burgers and whole packages of cookies. I chipped away at her with tireless encouragement, but after three years of working together, it became clear that she was determined to take that broken, unsubstantiated, negative self-image to the grave. She flatly refused to re-identify herself even a little bit, and in spite of some promising opportunities and growing physical strength, she always found a way to tumble backwards down the rabbit hole. She couldn't allow her old way of thinking to die in order to make room for unexplored possibilities.

So as I approach this new birth I have to ask myself... what needs to die? My fear of hideous physical pain, for one, will have to be faced, overcome, and left to shrivel. Second, my childless self will drift away like a puff of smoke, and I have no earthly clue what will appear in its place. It's a gift really, an adventure that will leave me with a depth of vision I cannot as of yet imagine. Stretching into unknown, terrifying experiences generally does deepen and enhance... at least in my experience. So here I go... death and birth all wrapped up into one undeniable event.

Beyond all of that, I would like to be able to choose death more often when it is less obvious and inevitable. I would like to choose the death, forever and always, of the woman who feels the need to eat for comfort or distraction, replacing her with someone who knows the magnificence of her own body and the nourishing role of food.

I would like to help my clients choose to walk into the death of their own destructive habits and self-images, watching them crumble and die; finding a glimmer of something new buried in the ashes.

Let it die, people. Walk away. Give birth to new life.

8 million people and counting

NBC News reported today that an estimated 8 million Americans suffer from eating disorders, and patients over the age of 35 have increased 42% since 2001. - http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/3032619/vp/43647591#43647591

EIGHT MILLION AMERICANS... and those are just the cases of reported, diagnosed, clinical eating disorders. Aren't these things supposed to be getting better, not worse?! That doesn't even include the additional millions with low body image and emotional eating habits. These issues can strike at any age, any time, and for many people they represent a lifelong battle.

According to a survey published in the May 2008 issue of SELF magazine, 65% of women ages 25-45 consider themselves to have disordered eating. I'm going to yell again... SIXTY-FIVE FRIGGIN' PERCENT! This is a vastly under-reported, under-addressed problem. It is so unnecessary, and we are passing it down from generation to generation. It makes me sad and incredibly frustrated that so many people are suffering with eating, what should be a joyful part of life.

I ask my clients to start by giving themselves a break and taking stock of all the amazing things their bodies accomplish every day: working, driving, communicating effectively, even breathing. All of these things are accomplished with the help of nutrition... food. It is a partner, not an enemy. So try to start by eating a piece of fresh fruit every day this summer. Small steps go a long way in the long run. Give your body a little bit of what it needs, and over time, it will yearn for more.

In the meantime, let's give ourselves a break and give everybody else a break too. If there is a heavy woman on the beach who you might not expect to see in a bathing suit, instead of judging her, celebrate her for having the confidence to enjoy her life and not give a damn what anybody else thinks.