There isn't much in the world that terrifies me more than the prospect of giving birth, but I understand that somehow, inevitably, through the fire of pain and suffering will come the transformation of an existing life and the beginning of a new one. However, whether I like it or not, for that transformation to happen, something has to die.
One of the first clients I ever had was a woman married to her own terrible self-image. She was absolutely convinced that she was an unattractive mess and would end up fat and alone no matter what she did. She showed up for her workouts but diligently destroyed her own progress with multiple In N' Out Burgers and whole packages of cookies. I chipped away at her with tireless encouragement, but after three years of working together, it became clear that she was determined to take that broken, unsubstantiated, negative self-image to the grave. She flatly refused to re-identify herself even a little bit, and in spite of some promising opportunities and growing physical strength, she always found a way to tumble backwards down the rabbit hole. She couldn't allow her old way of thinking to die in order to make room for unexplored possibilities.
So as I approach this new birth I have to ask myself... what needs to die? My fear of hideous physical pain, for one, will have to be faced, overcome, and left to shrivel. Second, my childless self will drift away like a puff of smoke, and I have no earthly clue what will appear in its place. It's a gift really, an adventure that will leave me with a depth of vision I cannot as of yet imagine. Stretching into unknown, terrifying experiences generally does deepen and enhance... at least in my experience. So here I go... death and birth all wrapped up into one undeniable event.
Beyond all of that, I would like to be able to choose death more often when it is less obvious and inevitable. I would like to choose the death, forever and always, of the woman who feels the need to eat for comfort or distraction, replacing her with someone who knows the magnificence of her own body and the nourishing role of food.
One of the first clients I ever had was a woman married to her own terrible self-image. She was absolutely convinced that she was an unattractive mess and would end up fat and alone no matter what she did. She showed up for her workouts but diligently destroyed her own progress with multiple In N' Out Burgers and whole packages of cookies. I chipped away at her with tireless encouragement, but after three years of working together, it became clear that she was determined to take that broken, unsubstantiated, negative self-image to the grave. She flatly refused to re-identify herself even a little bit, and in spite of some promising opportunities and growing physical strength, she always found a way to tumble backwards down the rabbit hole. She couldn't allow her old way of thinking to die in order to make room for unexplored possibilities.
So as I approach this new birth I have to ask myself... what needs to die? My fear of hideous physical pain, for one, will have to be faced, overcome, and left to shrivel. Second, my childless self will drift away like a puff of smoke, and I have no earthly clue what will appear in its place. It's a gift really, an adventure that will leave me with a depth of vision I cannot as of yet imagine. Stretching into unknown, terrifying experiences generally does deepen and enhance... at least in my experience. So here I go... death and birth all wrapped up into one undeniable event.
Beyond all of that, I would like to be able to choose death more often when it is less obvious and inevitable. I would like to choose the death, forever and always, of the woman who feels the need to eat for comfort or distraction, replacing her with someone who knows the magnificence of her own body and the nourishing role of food.
I would like to help my clients choose to walk into the death of their own destructive habits and self-images, watching them crumble and die; finding a glimmer of something new buried in the ashes.
Let it die, people. Walk away. Give birth to new life.
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