Cancer and Clarity

My dad spent a few days at our house in Nashville this past weekend recording some long overdue love songs for my mom, for posterity, and for the grandkids. He was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer over the summer and retired from his post as Dean of Duke Divinity School as of August 1st.

What happened here this weekend should have happened much more frequently over the years... but other things seemed more pressing; and singing together, the songs he sang me to sleep with as a little girl, would have seemed too cheesy, too earnest, too raw. But illness changes things, and suddenly it was the most obvious thing to do. So we did.

There is cancer, and then there is the togetherness and clarity of mind that cancer brings. I would never have wished for this to happen, but I am so grateful for the grace it has brought... the willingness to be together in a way we never have before and the value sinking into every moment we have while we still have it.


Dad's Caring Bridge website is here.

Michael Silverblatt on Oliver Sacks

Oliver Sacks died over the weekend. Reading him over the years taught me a lot about the human mind, but even more importantly, it taught me how to be with my clients, good people in less-than-ideal circumstances, with gentleness and compassion. We lost an amazing voice this weekend, but he has left us with a wealth of knowledge.

So when I heard the following interview today with Michael Silverblatt (NPR's Bookworm) on To The Point with Barbara Bogaev - a tribute to Oliver Sacks - it made me smile. I can't help but regurgitate it at length. We could use a lot more people like this in the world. You can listen to the whole interview here.

Dr. Sacks via Alamy at medscape.com

Michael Silverblatt on preparing to interview Oliver Sacks at a book festival:

"I don't usually do public events, and I was really quite frightened. And added to my list of fears, "will Oliver be there in the auditorium, or is he going to find something that interests him?" You have to understand, he's kind of a nutty professor. He didn't like being hot, so he carried a portable fan with him in his vest pocket when I first met him. I said to him, "Oliver, I'm quite frightened of doing this. I don't do things in public. Can we walk over together, and can we hold hands?" And, as if there were nothing odd about this, he said, "I would love to." And we held hands all the way across the campus together, two grown men hand-in-hand. It was amazing. When we got to the auditorium, he took out of his pocket, the same magic pocket that held his portable fan,... his crayons, his colored pencils, and his magic markers, and we colored together. We sat while we waited for the audience to come, coloring. He immediately saw that I was one of his child patients, and he treated me the way he treated children, with great joy and considerateness and participation. He colored too... He could immediately be the other person's shepherd, lover, insight giver. It was amazing...

"He was a magician of spirit and spoke always of things we'd forgotten. He'd talk about how people who were suffering, of the sort we are talking about - the way he suffered - would do well with gardening. Touching soil and watching things grow meant a great deal. It wasn't just tree-hugging. It was part of the spirit, the same way music not only heals the savage breast, but gives us a sense of order."

Seems to me that healthy living happens when we reach out like that... to be shepherds for and lovers of well-being... in others and in ourselves.

How Not To Do An Affirmation

Okay, the book has been handed in; I have collapsed for approximately a week; and now I am back (after too long away) to have a little rant about this...

A friend whom I love and cherish, who has faced an onslaught of health problems over the past few years, posted this image on Facebook today (originally from PCOSDiva). Okay, so... yes, great, absolutely. We should all definitely walk away from people and situations that harm us. Fine...

but can we please stop superimposing these messages over images of supermodels on beaches or mountaintops or wherever this woman is walking in her size zero, 
snow white evening gown????

In what universe can we achieve peace of mind, self-respect, or self-worth if that is our image of what it looks like. No more. 

Instead I offer you this...

If we must quote and affirm, can we please do it sans evening gowns on hillsides? Please and thank you. 

There is boundless inspiration to be found every day in our real lives and real bodies. All we need to do is take a second to notice. We do astonishing things all the time... almost never while clad in silk organza.