Wedding Weight Woes: Just Say No to the Battle with the Scale

My latest article, Wedding Weight Woes: Just Say No to the Battle with the Scale, is out in Her Magazine's February Bridal Issue. Check it out!

There isn’t much that I love more than a wedding. I got married over three years ago but can still be found covertly recording Say Yes to the Dress on my DVR every Friday night. It’s a sickness, really. There is something so alluring about the romance of it all. Beautiful dresses and flowers, reluctantly adorable men in tuxedos, and the promise of eternal love and commitment. It’s all so picture perfect, isn’t it?

Therein lies the trap.

Picture perfect is all about appearances, and appearances, for many women, are inextricably tied to body image. When it’s our turn to be the bride, so many of us take what should be a happy celebration of our connection with our partners and turn it into a referendum on our bodies and sense of style, fixating on tired, old insecurities as the big day approaches.

As a personal trainer, I get a lot of calls from women trying to lose weight in advance of their weddings. They want to be able to pull that corset tight and fulfill the dream of how they should look in their wedding pictures. I get it. By all rights, it is the one time in our lives when it seems like everything should fall blissfully into place, and for some women it does. I have seen clients and friends drop weight without cutting out so much as a single serving of Manchego. When it happens that way, fantastic. However, if it doesn’t, if a woman maintains her regular, real-life weight, should her day be any less celebrated? Should she feel any less blessed, beautiful, and loved?

Many of my clients who start exercising madly before a wedding end up disappointed because their goals are set too high or they don’t have the time or energy to make the changes necessary for significant weight loss. The struggle to lose weight is something they face every day whether there is a wedding on the horizon or not. I wish they could see the wedding as a reason to let go of that struggle rather than a reason to fixate on it. There are much better, much more wonderful things to think about in anticipation of the day you get to have everyone you love in one room, supporting you and wishing you well.

As my own wedding approached, I lost weight completely effortlessly for the first and only time in my life. Frankly, it was a bizarre feeling. The war I waged my entire adult life was suddenly no war at all. The stubborn ten pounds I could never kick suddenly lifted off and floated away. I felt like an idiot for wasting decades and incalculable amounts of energy battling myself over pounds that could be lost in a blink under the right circumstances. But my momentary reprieve from the weight loss Ferris wheel proved to be a mirage. After the big day, every pointless pound steadily crept back on like a dear old friend coming over nightly for a glass of wine on the couch and a few hundred old episodes of Say Yes to the Dress. I went down; I went up. And the funny thing is… it didn’t matter one bit to my husband. He loved me down, and he loved me right back up again.

Weddings can bring that magical lightness of being, or they can bring enormous pressure and frustration. The brilliant truth of the matter is that the husbands-to-be are always in love with their women just the way they are. They proposed marriage that way, and they want their brides to be the beautiful people that they have adored from the very beginning.

So I tell my clients: we will do everything we can to help you look as sexy and stunning as possible. But the best way to insure that you will look happy and healthy on your wedding day is to be happy and healthy, strong and fit, to exercise and get lots of fresh air, to celebrate the upcoming day and put your focus on spending the rest of your life with the person you love. It has absolutely nothing to do with losing weight or dropping a dress size. It has everything to do with confidence and joy. Letting go of the pressure to lose weight is easier said than done, but if you are taking good care of yourself, your beauty will shine brightly in the photo on the mantel "from this day forward, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health."

Fruit and Veggie PILLS... Say What?!

Centrum has come out with a new fruit and veggie PILL...

"Centrum ProNutrients Fruit & Veggie is 100% naturally sourced from grapes, blueberries, raspberries, plums, carrots, and tomatoes. Each MiniTab harnesses the power equal to one serving of a blend of fruits and vegetables."

I'm sorry... WHAT?! No, no, no, no, no! A pill cannot be "equal to" eating fruits and vegetables. A pill has been stripped of all of the fiber, water, phytochemicals, and essential life forces that reside in whole, fresh food. Please do not buy this crap!!! Berries, plums, and carrots taste good all on their own. I promise!

AAAAAAAAAGH!!! (Sarah runs off into the horizon pulling her hair out as she goes)

New Year’s Cliché - I have seventeen pounds to lose

Here we are again… all wrapped up in New Year’s Eve and its obligatory resolutions. This particular New Year’s holds special meaning for me. 2011 was a year of massive change globally and massive change for my husband and me personally. We sold our house, moved twice, bought another house, got pregnant, lost our beloved dog, Elvin, and welcomed our son, Sky, into the world. Our family and physical surroundings look nothing like they did at the beginning of the year. 2011 picked us up in one place and dropped us somewhere entirely different when it was done.

Usually, at this time of year, I spend a lot of time preaching to new clients about setting small, unquestionably attainable goals. If they want to set a loftier one, I ask them to get very specific about why that particular goal is achievable for them. I am not easily convinced. More often than not, large, challenging goals are forgotten and abandoned by January 15^th, so I prefer to help them reach for one or two small goals, followed by something bigger and more exciting when they are ready. Walking around with one small success under your belt is a lot more empowering than walking around with a big failure. Teeny tiny changes are usually best and can make an enormous difference in the long run. If you walk 15 minutes every day, you can add years to your life. You might not lose much weight, but it will make a big difference. If you can eat one extra piece of fruit per day, you will be healthier for it.

Small goals are easy. Larger ones require a serious gut check. Just exactly why do you believe you can lose that fifty pounds this time around?! The answer doesn't have to be pretty, but it has to be honest and powerful enough that you can fall back on it in your weakest moments. It has to matter a whole hell of a lot.

This year I am setting what feels like an enormous goal for myself. Eight weeks after giving birth to my son, I have seventeen pounds to lose. This is real weight, not the easy baby weight that drifts off in the first few weeks after delivery. The seventeen pounds is made up of nine pounds gained during pregnancy along with eight pounds I was unhappily carrying before getting pregnant.

This extra weight weighs heavy on my heart, not because of how my clothes fit or how I appear to others. It represents a symptom of motherhood that I have always been determined to avoid... the weight itself, but even more so, the never-ending mind trip over bad body image. I'm tired of the whole game. I can feel the body I want to inhabit, and it is not currently residing here. Fortunately, I have come to know lots of amazing, fit moms who I can emulate. I would probably tell a client in my situation to shoot for the initial nine pounds first, to get back to the pre-pregnancy weight and then shoot for the extra eight. But that would defeat my motivation. The body with eight extra pounds on it is no motivation at all for me. This is about identifying who I want to be in this new role of mom. It’s about who I want to be in my life going forward now that everything is irrevocably different.

As I have stated before on this blog, motherhood is a strange beast to me. I’m not sure who this Sarah-mother person is. Clearly I am in transition, and this is a moment when I get to rediscover myself as I watch Sky grow and develop. I love my son, but this transformation is about me too and part of who I want to be for myself and for him is someone light, lithe, and strong. I do not want to go into motherhood weighed down by seventeen pounds or even eight.

This particular moment is not about cutting myself a break. It’s about demanding more of myself. If I were counseling a client, I would tell her that a reasonable time frame for this lofty goal would be the end of April, sixteen weeks from now. So I will maintain reasonable expectations on that front, though I would much prefer that it go faster. Of course, I will report back, win or lose, on my progress.

I am learning a lot about my clients as I face this hurdle. I am learning that I could counsel them better, help them to dig deep and find out why and how to reach their goals. Perhaps in 2012, I will learn to push them harder after I have pushed myself and to help them reach their grander goals in the long run.

Whatever your situation, whatever your resolution, I wish you clarity and focus in the New Year to make 2012 a banner year. It will only happen once, so let’s make the most of it.

Welcome to the world, Mr. Sky!

Thanks to all my readers for your patience while I'm out on maternity leave.

I promise you this little guy is worth it.

There is Power in Powerlessness… But Damn If It Doesn’t Hurt

I mentioned “powerlessness” in my last post. That word has pounded my days relentlessly for the last few weeks. Powerlessness hurts. Screaming and yelling and grasping for an element of control that is long gone only brings additional pain and suffering. The inability to believe that you have lost control over something you hold dear is beyond comprehension, and yet there is it… plain as day.

Two things… One, my beloved Elvin has been missing for 16 days. I stare at maps and rack my brain to uncover where he might be. The stretches of streets and homes stare back at me blankly, not giving any clues. I have no power. All I can do is keep stepping forward, keep putting out the word that we have not given up, and keep leaning on the people who so generously offer up a strong shoulder.

Two, I am about to go into labor and have this baby. Don’t worry... no gory details here. Just a simple acknowledgement that I am also powerless in this regard. I cannot determine when or how this baby will arrive. I cannot determine what it will do to my body, how I will get through it, or how hard or easy it will be on the baby. But I can decide to recognize my powerlessness yet again and surrender to the inevitability of time, physical pain, and his imminent arrival.

I know that there are people around the world facing unimaginable loss and suffering, and I don’t pretend to compare my situation to theirs. This is just what I have to offer.

Within powerlessness, there is a choice. Panic or release. I cannot bring a child into the world in a state of panic. So my new word, the only word I have left, is “release”. There is no choice but to release, and this does not mean giving up

I hope with every ounce of my being that Elvin will return home, and I hope that my baby’s arrival brings far more joy than pain. That’s all I can do. Release and wait.

If you want more information on Elvin or on the amazing rescue organization helping us look for him, please visit www.campchaos37206.org.

El eagerly opening his stocking - Christmas morning 2010

Lessons Learned from a Lost Puppy

I have learned a few things in the past nine days since my 11-year-old, baby boy pit bull, Elvin, went missing. I have learned a grief that cannot be articulated. I have learned the art of managing a panic attack at 2 in the morning. I have learned what it means for loss and powerlessness to permeate everything.

Sadly, I have learned that there are people in the world that take pleasure in other people’s pain and in the pain of helpless animals. I have seen the depths of poverty and hopelessness in a city that has largely avoided the worst of this awful recession.

Joyfully, I have learned that my husband is my greatest companion and solace. Though shaken to the depths of sadness as completely as I am, he will not be found anywhere but by my side, loving and sheltering me, our unborn son, and our lost Elvin to the best of his ability.

But the greatest lesson I have learned is that there are kind, concerned, supportive, selfless, and profoundly generous people everywhere I turn… the most surprising of whom, I had never met before. The outpouring of support from the community I live in has been absolutely stunning. The organization of people who love animals and spend every day of every week doing everything they can to protect them in my neighborhood is unlike anything I have ever seen before. Friends and strangers are giving their time and resources day after day, encouraging us to press on and not give up.

Before all of this, I thought my love for animals was verging on bizarre. I thought I was some kind of freak for the way my heart swells at the sound of a thirsty dog lapping eagerly at a clean bowl of water or breaks as I helplessly watch a starving, homeless kitten cowering under a broken down car. I am thrilled this week to learn that I am not alone.

I am humbled by the kindness and compassion of everyone who has stepped up to help us. I have learned that I don’t give enough, and that is about to change. I just want to say thank you. I have no words to express how much it means, but we are blessed to be surrounded by so much love and support. Elvin thanks you too… wherever he is.

Please call 615-228-1130 with info.

More pics and description can be seen at www.campchaos37206.org.

Because It Makes You Feel Better... That's Why.

A few years ago, a dear friend of mine named Michael passed away suddenly in his sleep from an undiagnosed heart defect. He was 38 years old. He had a one year old and a pregnant wife in bed next to him when his heart stopped. He ran 3 to 4 miles daily, ate well, and had an optimistic, low-stress temperament. He was one of the most naturally positive, compassionate, life-affirming people I have ever known. After his funeral, a client of mine - and mutual friend of his - was bereft.

“What’s the point?!” She wanted to know. “What the hell is the point of exercising and eating right all the time when your heart can give out on you any time anyway? Why not just eat what you want and not bother getting all sweaty and exhausted at the gym.” She struggled with her weight and motivation to exercise her whole life and couldn’t see the point anymore. It was a good question; one that I had to think twice about in the haze of such a sudden and heartbreaking loss.

As I considered her question, I had to ask myself, “Would Michael take back his healthy lifestyle if he knew he would pass away so young? Did he do it because he thought it would help him live longer or did he do it because of how it made him feel?” I believe I can safely say that he would not have changed a thing.

Michael would not have preferred to be 20 lbs heavier in exchange for those many hours spent running. He would not have chosen a Big Mac over his grilled fish soft tacos. I’m sure living a long life was part of his motivation, but more than that, the way he took care of himself while he was alive had a profound and immediate impact on the way he felt every day.

Proper diet and exercise habits can certainly extend life for many people, but the point is not longevity. The point is positively influencing how we feel on all of the days that we are alive, how we feel inside of our own skin, how easily we can climb a flight of stairs or get up off of the floor after playing with our puppies/babies.

Exercising and eating right boosts your mood, gives you more energy, helps you sleep better, improves concentration and focus, and increases confidence levels which can directly impact your working and personal life. Of course, being fit also improves your appearance, impacting everything from your muscle tone to your complexion.

Exercise helps us feel better, and isn’t that the point? To feel good? That’s why we do it. Most of us aren’t out there competing in Iron Man Triathalons, and there’s no compelling reason why you should if that’s not your thing. Exercise might help you live a little longer, but that’s a tough thing to remember sometimes when you are choosing between sleeping another hour or getting up to jog around the block.

Move your body because you have one. Use it. Find activities that make you feel good, even if that just means taking a stroll at lunch time. Simple, restorative, energetic activity can improve your quality of life, and if that means living a little bit longer, bring it on.

Is Your Workout Worth Your Time?

In short, the answer is always YES! No matter how brief or low-intensity, any physical activity during your day can contribute to your longevity and wellbeing. However, if you want to increase your fitness level, you can probably do more for greater results.

I met with a client the other day who has been working out for years, faithfully going to the gym, getting on the treadmill and elliptical for 45 minutes three times a week, occasionally using weight machines… and staying exactly the same weight year after year. It’s a common story.

If you are working out consistently for longer than three months and you feel like your progress has stalled, you are not pushing yourself hard enough or getting enough variation to force your body to grow stronger. You may very well be doing enough to maintain your current physique and cardiovascular fitness, and if that is your goal, then you are absolutely doing the right thing. However, if you are looking for increased fitness, you will have to challenge yourself and vary your workouts in order to keep advancing. It's hard and sweaty but well worth the effort.

There are a couple of indicators to let you know whether or not you are pushing yourself hard enough. Measure them regularly to keep track of your progress.

1. Soreness – You are looking for happy soreness, not painful, injury-induced soreness. Soreness should occur in your muscles but not in your joints, and you should not experience shooting pain of any kind. The ache of a good sore muscle usually occurs 24-48 hours after exertion. You should get sore when you begin a new workout program or when you increase your intensity as needed. Depending on the plan you are following, this can happen anywhere from every two weeks to every two months, but if you are not sore… ever… something is wrong. You are not working hard enough to challenge your muscles. You are too strong for your current regime. Take it up a notch!

2. Breathing – The conventional wisdom is that sedentary people, beginners, or casual exercisers should be able to carry on a conversation while engaged in cardiovascular activity like walking, jogging, or riding a bike. You should be able to talk but not sing. If you are singing as you stroll, you are not going fast enough. People with greater training experience can shoot a little higher. They can make it a goal to reach a level of exertion where they have some difficulty forming complete sentences but are able to get out a few words here and there between breaths.

3. Heart rate – Know your maximum heart rate and your target heart rate range. Bear with me here for a minute while we do some math. The easiest way to figure out your max heart rate is to subtract your age from 220 (ex. 220 – 35 = 185 beats per minute). Moderate exercise is 70-85% of your maximum heart rate. So, a 35-year-old person with a maximum heart rate of 185 bpm would want to keep his or her heart rate between 129 and 157 bpm while exercising. To find out what your current heart rate is, take your pulse for 10 seconds and multiply by 6. You can also get a watch with a heart rate monitor or use the monitors built into the handle bars of most commercial cardiovascular machines.

FYI, there is a new study from Ohio State University out this month suggesting a different maximum heart rate calculation exclusively for women. They recommend women calculate 206 minus 88% of your age. For a woman age 35, her maximum would be 175 bpm with a target heart rate range of 122 to 149 for moderate exercise. High intensity heart rates could be higher, but should stay below your personal maximum. Figure out your numbers once, and keep track a few times while you are exercising. Eventually, you will know your own body well enough to tell easily if you are in the appropriate heart rate zone.

4. Measurements – What your measurements are and how your clothes fit are better representations of changing fitness than weight. Instead of hopping on the scale everyday, consider asking a friend to measure your hips, waist, bust, and the widest part of your upper arm and thigh once a month in order to measure your progress. Whether or not you lose weight, your shape could be changing. Also, remember that dietary habits have everything to do with losing weight and keeping it off, so if your goal is weight loss, you will probably need to take a hard look at your diet and find places where excess calories can be cut. If your goal is overall fitness, set the scale aside and measure your progress by how you feel and how your clothes fit.

All of that said, some form of exercise is always better than none. A ten-minute walk every day is so much better than no walk at all. Take the above tips only if you are seriously interested in increasing your fitness level. Otherwise, make your goals much more manageable. Find ways to stay active whenever you can: garden, do crunches while you watch TV, walk around the block at lunchtime, park far away from the entrance to the movie theater, and take the stairs whenever possible. All of it is worth your while.

Please tweet or email me any questions, and I will do my best to answer!

@sarahhayscoomer

sarah@strengthoutsidein.com

Hold On For Dear Life or Jump?

Pregnancy sucks. Sorry for the lack of sunshiny teddy bear visions, but it does. I am not a fan. The following post is ostensibly about my trepidation over pregnancy because that happens to be the ordeal I am currently facing, but, more than that, it’s about the way we fight the challenges and changes in our bodies and lives… or not. Do we hold on for dear life or jump?

I have spent my entire adult life clinging to my independence and loathing the thought of pregnancy, but seven months ago, faced with a loving husband who would be broken-hearted if he never had the chance to be a Dad, I held my breath and made the choice to get knocked up. I jumped. It could be an adventure, right? I knew that once the deed was done, I would have no option but to see it through and hoped that, once impregnated, the prospect of motherhood might become less terrifying. No such luck.

Now, eight weeks out from my due date, the changes that are coming to my body, my life, and my household ache with palpable inevitability. The physical changes are inescapable, but it turns out that I do have a choice. I can claw and scratch to stay at the cliff’s edge where I easily understand my world, mourning the loss of my old life… childless, freewheeling, and exceedingly happy with the status quo. Or I can release the breath I began holding seven months ago and allow the changes to wash over me like a wave. As the days tick by, I am increasingly aware that holding on for dear life will bring me nothing but suffering.

My growing belly tells me that my body is going to make this transition whether I like it or not. My body is taking the lead, showing me the way forward as usual. “Strength Outside In” is my mantra after all. The body and external behavior patterns are the tangible stuff of life. They are the things that have always moved me forward when my mind just can’t seem to shake itself loose.

At this point, the belly is big, and the baby boy is kicking. I need to release him and myself. I have to let this kid out, get out of his way, and allow myself to become what I need to be in order to help him survive and grow. I am at a loss to know who this upcoming mother-person will be, but I do know that my heart and mind will follow the changes in my external life if I can allow them the space to swell and contract with the ebb and flow of new motherhood. The glimmers of excitement are already beginning to arise, and the more I loosen my grip, the more they show themselves.

As I was reminded by a Pete Seeger documentary on PBS the other day (yes, I’m a nerd), “To everything, turn, turn, turn; there is a season, turn, turn, turn.” I have no doubt that this particular season is going to rip me apart… physically, emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually. But I do get to choose how to respond, and I am choosing wholeheartedly to take the plunge, ride the wave, and see what becomes of me when I wash up on shore in the aftermath. Whatever happens, I have no doubt that I will be stronger for having taken the leap, overcome one of the greatest fears of my life, and welcomed into the world a little guy who, I'm sure, has a lot to teach me.

What cliff’s edge are you stuck on? Are you ready to jump? Consider catching a wave, and see where you land.

Dear Friend, Get Bariatric Surgery and Give Us All of Your Money

I received a letter in the mail recently from HCA/TriStar Health System, touting the wonders of bariatric surgery. The headline states boldly in red, “The more you lose, the more you win”, and the letter begins, “Dear Friend”.

My “friend” goes on to tell me “One of the worst consequences of being overweight or suffering from obesity is that quality of life suffers. Enjoying life’s simple pleasures – traveling, experiencing the outdoors or being socially active and meeting new people – can be difficult when living with this disease. If obesity is affecting your life or the life of someone you love, TriStar Health System can help. Our surgeons are experts in a variety of minimally invasive bariatric surgical procedures, including: gastric bypass, gastric banding, sleeve gastrectomy… Think of everything you have to gain when you decide you are ready to lose!”

This was sent to me, not based on a doctor’s recommendation, not because I am working with a psychiatrist or a nutritionist or trying to overcome morbid obesity. It was sent to me merely based on the fact that HCA has my mailing address because my doctor practices under their umbrella. It has nothing to do with my medical needs. In fact, it even says “If obesity is affecting your life or the life of someone you love...” Who doesn’t have someone they love who is affected by obesity?! Their marketing team is counting on that, and therefore this letter is suddenly, miraculously relevant to every patient in their purview.

I know lots of obese people, most of whom do not have difficultly “experiencing the outdoors” or “meeting new people”. Most of them are working tirelessly to achieve a healthy weight, or they have made peace with their bodies as they are. If the extra weight is dangerous, their doctors and counselors should be the ones to help them decide which interventions are best… not an advertising mailer made out to “Dear Friend.”

Call me old fashioned, but I find this kind of shameless, money-grubbing, condescending advertising to be totally and utterly disgusting. HCA/TriStar Health System should be ashamed of themselves. Instead of spending their money on marketing flyers and postage, they should donate a few hundred thousand dollars to healthy school lunch programs or food banks. Then maybe I would be proud to be one of their patients and happy to refer my friends and family for their services. Shame on you, HCA. Shame.